Sweet Revenge
by Midnight-in-Russia
Summary: Starts out with pirates and ends with nipple rings. What on earth has Roy done now? Not exactly RoyEd, buuuut...sorta. XP


Roy blinked, obviously confused. He couldn't remember for the life of him where he was. He was surrounded by white. It was everywhere. The floor was white. The ceiling was white. The walls were white. He couldn't distinguish where the walls met the floor or the ceiling. There was no sound - no smells. What happened to his office? He looked around, beginning to panic. He took a step forward and suddenly, color seeped through the white walls, painting something of a picture.

Plain, white floors became grimy, wooden boards. The walls faded away completely, as did the ceiling. Suddenly, he was surrounded by masts and sails and many, many pirates. His blue military uniform was definitely gone. He looked down at his attire in shock. He was sporting a pair of baggy black pants and black boots that came halfway up his shin. Moving up, he wore a baggy white long-sleeved shirt. The neck-line came down to his mid-torso in a V-shape, exposing skin that would have made porcelain envious. The only thing that had been kept of his attire was the eyepatch he had had to begin wearing after the ordeal with Archer.

His sense of smell came back and he coughed at the rank stench of saltwater in the air. He could hear waves rolling serenely in the background. Seagulls flew overhead, gliding peacefully around the ship, squawking to each other as they did so. The air gave off nothing but peaceful signals, and Roy thought it was a wonderful change.

He scanned the crew in front of him, recognizing quite a few faces. Breda stood toward the front of the crowd, chatting amiably with Havoc, who, of course, was smoking a cigarette. Both men donned a pair of black and white vertically striped pants. However, Breda was without a shirt. Mustang cringed, averting his gaze quickly.

He quickly spotted Armstrong, who stood out amongst the crowd of men. Shirtless and sparkling, Armstrong was probably the most recognizable out of the entire crew. Little Fuery still had his glasses, though his blue uniform was gone - like the rest of the crew. Instead, the bespectacled man was wearing an ill-fitting black shirt and black pants.

Riza Hawkeye stood at attention, a parrot dutifully sitting on her shoulder as still as a knot on a log. She seemed to be the only one who wasn't chatting it up. He gave her a questioning look.

"Waiting for instructions, Captain," she said, giving him a salute.

"Captain?" Roy repeated.

"Aye. Captain! Captain!" Hawkeye's parrot mimicked. Roy gave it a stern look and it shut up immediately.

And suddenly, he knew what to do.

"At attention, mateys!" Roy shouted, earning multiple terrified gasps from his men (and woman). The crew stood up as straight as a board, waiting for directions.

"Fuery!" The young man squeaked a weak reply. "You will be the navigator. Map out the sea and the path to our next island target," Roy barked, sending the man scurrying to the back of the ship to grab mapping materials.

"Armstrong and Breda! Man the sails!" They nodded, obediently.

"Havoc! Steer the ship," Roy ordered. The blonde did as he was told.

"Hawkeye! Climb up to the crow's nest. Look out for potential threats and take them out!"

She nodded and walked off at a brisk pace.

"The rest of you sprogs can scrub the deck boards," Roy gave them a distasteful look before turning his attention to the choppy sea in front of him. He walked up to the railing and smiled, letting the breeze ruffle his already messy hair.

"Ahoy! Look out below!" A shout sounded from behind him. Swinging from a rope was none other than Edward Elric, wearing nothing but his leather pants and a red bandana on the top of his head. He dropped his hold on the rope and landed crouched down next to Captain Mustang. He drew himself up to his full height and scowled when he was still a whole head shorter than his superior.

"There you are, Full Metal. I was beginning to wonder where you had gone off to," Roy talked, but he was hardly aware of the fact that he was talking. He was too busy taking in the appearance of his subordinate.

The pirate had a gorgeous sun-kissed complexion. His golden hair was - as usual - tied back into a braid while his bangs framed his face. The red bandana tied over his head kept his hairline safe from the unforgiving sun. His left ear was sporting a small, golden hoop that swung slightly with each shake of his head. Roy's eyes traveled further down to rest on two golden hooped nipple rings. His mouth started watering.

Ed caught the direction of his gaze and grinned, looking down at his nipple rings. He twirled them in between his flesh fingers and tugged on them a bit.

"Like 'em?" Ed said, smugly, sending his Captain a wicked smile.

Roy could only nod.

"Well here then," Ed rolled his eyes, stepping closer to Mustang. He grasped Roy's hand firmly in his own and brought it to rest on a golden nipple ring. Roy absent-mindedly ran his thumb over the hardened nub and accompanying jewelry.

"Give it a little tug," Ed said in a demanding voice. If Roy hadn't known any better, he would have thought his subordinate was enjoying this treatment.

Hesitantly, Roy pulled gently on the hoop, watching with fascination as the blond's eyelids fluttered closed as he bit down on his lower lip.

Only when Roy's fingers ceased to tug did Ed opened his eyelids. He gave the "Captain" an alluring smile and stepped closer leaving hardly any space between them.

"My door's always open for you..._Captain_," he said in a breathy voice. A barrage of fantasies flooded Roy's mind as he watched the young pirate walk away, swaying his hips ever so slightly. A bead of drool escaped the Captain's mouth before he crashed back into reality - quite literally, at that.

The boat rocked violently as it did a U-turn. Roy stumbled and nearly fell down. He looked around for Havoc and when he found him, he walked over to the blond and demanded an explanation.

"You know of the ship called "the King's Pride", don't you, Cap'n?" Havoc asked, raising an eyebrow at Roy's blank expression.

"The most deadly group of pirates in the sea?" Havoc rephrased, gripping the steering wheel as hard as he could until his knuckles turned white.

Roy's expression remained blank.

"Cap'n King Bradley and his crew?" Havoc rephrased again.

"Captain King Bradley? Oh, _hell_! Why didn't you just say so?!" Roy flailed his arms, looking around for his gloves. There were none to be found. Shit.

"Havoc, where are my gloves?" Roy asked, hoping against hope that he had them with him.

"Gloves? What gloves?" The blond turned the wheel yet again, causing Captain Mustang to slam into the ship's rail. He groaned. Just then, Riza Hawkeye ran up to him, stopping just short of where he stood, groaning and complaining.

"Captain Mustang, sir, we've been spotted by the King's Pride. They're coming toward us at full-speed. Orders, sir?" She asked, waiting patiently as Roy's mind went into overdrive.

"Man the cannons. We're going to fight this battle - and win it," Mustang ordered, nodding with approval as she saluted him. He heard orders being shouted and relaxed visibly. This was _his_ turf. Battle was his thing. He could do this - even without his gloves. He was best friends with strategy.

Suddenly, a cannonball flew into the side of the ship, resulting in a thundering _BOOM_! The boom filled up his ears, rattling his very eardrums which caused him to...wake up?

He lifted his head off of his office desk and looked around. He saw Lieutenant Hawkeye standing there with a gun in her hand. She leaned forward and peeled a sheet of paper off of the side of his face, glaring at him.

"I...it was all a dream? The pirate ship? The King's Pride? The nipple rings?" Roy looked around, bewildered. It had all seemed so real.

"Excuse me, sir?" Hawkeye kept her expression carefully neutral, but the confusion showed in her voice.

"Get Full Metal in here, will you?" Roy asked, though the question sounded more like an order.

"You should finish your paperwork, sir, so--"

"Will you get Full Metal in here, _Lieutenant_?" Roy stressed her rank. Sometimes he wondered who was in charge - her or him.

"Yes, sir," she saluted him. The Colonel suspected that she was inwardly rolling her eyes as she walked out of his office. Roy looked down at the drool-stained paperwork and sighed, clasping his hands together. He would get busy on the paperwork as soon as he figured something out.

"What is it now, Colonel Bastard?" Ed burst through the door without even knocking.

Without saying a word, Roy stood up and walking around the desk, past Ed, and closed the door. Ed's expression changed from one of curiousness to one of horror.

"You're not going to kill me, are you?" The blond gulped, earning a low chuckle from his Colonel.

"No, Edward. I just wanted to see something," Roy walked over to the blond.

"What?" Ed narrowed his eyes, suspiciously.

"Lift up your shirt."

"WHAT?! Why?!" Ed jumped back.

"Full Metal, I _order you_ to lift up your shirt," Roy smirked, knowing he had won this little battle.

Ed glared at him as he reached for the hem of his shirt, pulling it up almost all the way. Roy could tell the younger was blushing, but he decided to make no comment about it. The Colonel inspected the torso, trying to memorize every last inch of flesh. His eyes rested on two perfect nipples, yet he frowned with dissatisfaction.

"Okay, you can put your shirt down," Roy walked back over to his desk, sitting in his chair. He made a grab for a sheet of paperwork, but Ed stopped him, slamming an Auto-Mail hand down on the desk.

"What the hell was that about, Mustang?!" Ed demanded to know. Roy chuckled.

"Oh, nothing, Full Metal. But..." Roy trailed off, leaving the younger alchemist fuming.

"BUT WHAT?!" He shouted, flailing his arms.

"But by Monday I expect you to have two new nipple rings. And that is an order."

Ed's eyebrow twitched as his face turned a brilliant shade of red. From anger or embarrassment, Roy couldn't tell; he assumed it was both.

Later that afternoon, Lieutenant Hawkeye found Colonel Roy Mustang tangled up like a pretzel on top of the desk. Roy was very sore after being untangled, but he smirked, knowing that - come Monday - he would have his revenge. Oh, sweet revenge.


End file.
